NOT a movie review

But this IS on YouTube and it IS about a monkey. So, what the hell its close enough.

Holy crap, I watched a chick flick

So it was like Mother’s Day weekend and I had to do all the chick stuff in honor of my chick, who is like, a mother. SO, between doing the effin’ laundry and dealing with two rugrats that decided Mother’s Day is the perfect day to act like total pains-in-the-ass, I watched…

I’m ashamed to admit…

27 Dresses. Also code for “If you watch this as a guy you must be whipped Dresses”

Ok, so I’m NOT the chick flick type. After watching this movie I must admit that… I’m still not the chick flick type. I SUPPOSE you feel a hint of happiness at the end when someone falls in love. But mostly it was cheesy. Like, (forgive me if I spoil it), when the entire bar erupts in singing. Jesus, I saw that coming and yet I couldn’t look away fast enough.

I prefer Katherine Heigl like this:

I give 4 monkeys each with $20 bills for that. But I only give 1 monkey and at least 1 eye patch on that monkey for 27 Dresses.

Revolver

I was looking for a movie with action, guns, shooting, and thick accents. A movie by Guy Ritchie is a given to meet my needs. Add Jason Statham as a lead, and it’s a guaranteed night of bliss for me.

I cannot provide a synopsis on this movie, I would ruin the movie if I did. Trust me that if you have a brain, a heart, and good taste…..you will love it…

10 reasons to watch this movie:

1. Action
2. Jason
3. Guns
4. Jason
5. Made me think
6. Jason
7. Scenes in giant tanning beds / salons
8. Jason
9. It ‘changed’ me
10. Jason

I have a new perspective after this movie. It put into (movie) words the concept that lets me get through life with happiness. Seriously.

The only disappointment was that the accents were not thick enough, I didn’t have to turn on captions to understand dialogue, as in Snatch (not only another great movie, but a great title).

After the movie, I watched a 10 minute interview with the director and editor. Guy Richie (aka my future lover, confidante and best friend if all goes to plan) is amazing. I do not understand how he could be married to MADONNA. The 50 year old woman who wears leg warmers and played the crucifixion in concert. It might be that she is worth more than I. I did the math, I am worth $200,000. She is worth $2 gazillion, that is about a billion times more than I.

The movie did not get the best reviews in the theatre, probably because most of the viewer were dumbasses. Those who did not like it are probably Miller Lite drinkers, and have never had a Hefewiezen in their life.

5 happy smart drunk monkeys for this one.

The first movie: Alien Versus Predator: Requiem

I know I know, this silly site should start off with something more… I don’t know, interesting…

But, the last movie I watched before starting this blog was AVP: Requiem.

Here’s the basic deal. Alien, a super successful sci-fi series and Predator, a moderately successful one (starring the Governator Arnold) attempt to combine to make a few more bucks. I won’t even pretend there is a fancy story line. These two aliens decide to try to kill each other while on Earth. They tend to kill everyone around them as well.

Two good things in this flick: 1) Lots of shit getting blown up and 2) Kristen Hager strips down to her undies in a pool scene. What? Don’t know who Kristen Hager is? Oh, me either.

Let’s just say unless you are a huge sci-fi fan and have to watch this simply because it is AVP, then skip it. I give it 1 monkey out of 5 monkeys.